Edwards Therapy Session
by G-String
Summary: Ever wonder what Edward Cullen is really like? Well these therapy sessions give you a real clue as to what Edward is really like. Haha not really. But wouldn't it be funny if Edward was actually like this?
1. Chapter 1

So I recently sat in on a therapy session with Edward and the vampire specialist/therapist that he sees. (Can you believe they actually have those?) And neither Edward nor the vampire specialist/therapist knew I was there, and let me tell you, for a vampire who looks all calm and who has got everything under control, this sexy man has some serious issues. Oh and keep in mind, that Edward has had multiple sessions before this one. So things aren't quite so awkward between him and the Specialist.

:Awkward silence as Edward reads the Specialists mind:

Edward: I'm not crazy! I just happen to have some issues…Is that so wrong? TELL ME! Is that so wrong?!

Specialist: Of course not Edward. Just because you're sitting here, doesn't make you crazy. I know the life of a vampire can be particularly stressful.

Edward: Yes it can. And it is. :looks around the room cautiously: You know how my life is. Especially ever since I started dating Bella, things have gotten so much more complicated. I mean I used to be a simple vampire. Couldn't go out when there was sunshine since I would sparkle and everyone would stare at me and figure out that I was supernatural or just plain weird. I have looks that are abnormally non-human, my "parents" look like they could be my older half-siblings, I have to fight the urge to drink people's blood, even though it's getting better since I've been alive for over a hundred years. And instead, I go "hunting" and drink animals' blood. You know, the usual. But now, the "usual" isn't quite so "usual" anymore.

Specialist: Mmm hmm. I see. And how does that make you feel?

Edward: OH MY GOD! Why do all you therapists say that? I'm just ABOUT to tell you how I feel! Do you HAVE TO ASK? What's so hard about being a little patient?!

Specialist: Edward we talked about these outbursts. :uses a patronizing tone:

Edward: Yes you're right. I'm sorry. :takes a big deep breath and closes his eyes: Anyways, it's just hard on me you know? I mean I love Bella, she's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me, but is it so hard for her NOT to get in trouble? I mean seriously, the girl is an absolute KLUTZ. I'm surprised she hasn't fallen down the stairs and cracked her head open. But that would be kind of bad because if I was there I don't know if I could fight the urge to drink her blood, and that's just a whole other can of worms that shouldn't be opened. Plus, she would probably die. ANYWAYS. I mean I've never met someone so accident prone before.

Specialist: Yes I can imagine. Have you shared this with Bella?

Edward: Oh yeah that would work. "Oh Bella, you are the most important thing in my life and I love you so much but if you don't stop being such a klutz and accident prone the next time you fall down the stairs and crack your skull, I'm just going to drink your blood instead of trying to save you." Now there's a conversation filled with love.

Specialist: Well Edward if you want to be so literal then feel free. :says in a well-if-you-want-to-be-that-way-then-fine tone of voice: But I meant more of talking with her about perhaps trying to be a little more careful with what she does and the way she handles things.

Edward: Oh and you DON'T think I've tried that? Please I've tried everything! The girl won't listen. And that's another thing that just drives me INSANE! I tell her one thing and it's like (uses Bella's exact tone) "Well Edward honestly I try. Really." Try my ass! She goes and starts hanging around werewolves! WEREWOLVES! I mean does she have a death wish? As if spending almost all your time with a vampire who could just poke you once and you DIE wasn't enough, you decide to go and split that time with a werewolf!

Specialist: Well Edward she loves you, but Jacob is her best friend. And after you left, her heart was terribly broken and she needed a friend, and Jacob was there for her. So perhaps—

Edward: Oh so now you're on THEIR side are you? So you think I'm a horrible person too? I was only trying to protect her! I mean come on my brother almost mauled the girl because she got a flipping paper cut! And I get yelled at for trying to protect her from being eaten?!

Specialist: Now Edward you know that's not what I meant. I was just trying to get you to see things from Bella's point of view is all.

Edward: Oh so now you're HER THERAPIST? Am I not paying you enough? Is that it?!

Specialist: Honestly, Edward. Please. Try and relax. You know I'm here to listen and try to help you.

Edward: Yes. You're right. I'm sorry. :takes another deep breath: It's just that, around Bella, I have to keep on a calm face all the time. Otherwise, when she sees that I have the slightest bit of worry or anger on my face it's "Oh my god Edward what's wrong?! What happened?!" I mean jeeze! Chillax! If I'm not all dandy and "Oh hi kids what's for dinner?"around her she freaks out! I mean why is she so dependent on me to make her all happy and joyful? I mean they've got dogs for a reason! To cheer you up! I mean I'm not a dog Bella! God!

Specialist: Well I think because she does love you, she relies on you for many things. Just as you rely on her. Perhaps she is too dependent on you, but maybe you're also a little too depend on her?

Edward: Well of course we're dependent on each other! We flipping love each other! I mean we're only THE most important things in each other's lives! But it's just like give me a break you know? I mean I know I'm superhuman but I'm not superman! Haha I like that…that's a good one…I should tell that one to Emmitt. I think he'd like it. Or he'd smack me. Either way I think it would be amusing to tell him.

Specialist: Yes I'm sure it would be. Let me know how that goes. :checks the clock subtly: Well unfortunately our time is up. But I'll see you next week?

Edward: Yes you will. Bella has to go and spend a day with Angela so Charlie doesn't think that Bella has entirely no life. So I'll see you then.

So as you can imagine, Edward keeps quite a few things bottled up. Poor dude, if only Bella knew. Then again, I think it's probably better that she didn't. So I have even more sit-in sessions with Edward scheduled, and I can't wait! I'll keep you updated on the therapy! God knows he needs it! (the therapy that is).


	2. Chapter 2

So this is my second therapy session that I have sat in on with Edward(Again he does not know I was there, nor did the specialist. I'm skilled that way!). Wow! He has more issues than he lets on! But it's ok Edward, we know your life is stressful!

Specialist: So Edward, how have things been going since our last session? I see Bella managed to spend time with Angela?

Edward: Yes. She did. It is good for her too. She spends WAY too much time around vampires, and I'm sorry to say, werewolves. You know honestly, I just DON'T see what's so good about werewolves. I mean they smell like no other, and they are rude and obnoxious. They go around think they're "The Bomb" when they're really just overgrown dogs on steroids.

Specialist: Yes well I can see why you have a distaste, shall we say, in werewolves. I mean seeing as how they are the mortal enemies to vampires. But you know, I doubt Bella sees them as overgrown dogs on steroids.

Edward: OK SERIOUSLY! BELLA IS NOT A NORMAL CHILD! I mean I love her to death (wow that sound way more literal than I intended it to), but seriously. She needs to get a life AWAY from all this! That was my point in leaving her! I was trying to help her! Trying to protect her! But did anyone see that? NOOO! Alice was all "Edward this is a bad idea. This isn't going to change anything, it will just make it worse!" and I was like "OK you know what Alice? SILENCE!! Just because you can see into the future doesn't mean you're Miss Know-It-All!"

Specialist: Well, it sounds like you have some issues with your sister.

Edward: Well aren't you Mr. Observant! Are you sure I'm paying you enough? Because for all these great incites that you seem to find it seems as if I should be paying you more.

Specialist: So I take it you have issues with my way of conducing therapy, then?

Edward: OH MY GOD! DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY PAY YOU FOR THIS?!

Specialist: Let's get back to talking about Alice, since you have a fair amount of issues with her. :says in a tired and trying-to-be-calm tone of voice: So you feel that Alice thinks she knows it all, then?

Edward: :closes his eyes, takes his hands to his face and inhales deeply: OK so Alice DOES know a fair amount, but it's very limited as to what she sees! She can only see the future once someone has made a decision, and people change their minds all the time! My point was, that Alice needed to RELAX and just let me make my own decision without being all (says in Alice's exact tone)"Edward you know this isn't going to work. You know it will just hurt Bella more." I mean she's just like a little bird that never leaves you alone! She's constantly fluttering around your head reminding you of things you would rather forget.

Specialist: Like what, for example?

Edward: Um maybe like the fact that by leaving Bella, I would end up CRUSHING her heart and making her basically become a walking potato! I mean SERIOUSLY! Who wants to be reminded constantly that by doing this one thing, you will cause the person whom you love more than anything in this world to basically become a member of the grain food group! And yes! Just because I don't actually eat human food, I do know the food pyramid thank you!

Specialist: Well Edward I never thought that you didn't know it. Well—

Edward: I saw the look on your face! And besides, I can read minds genius! The only person's mind whom I can't read is Bella's. Which is really, really WEIRD! I mean that really pissed me off when I couldn't read her mind! I mean in my head I was thinking, "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING YOU ABNORMAL CHILD?!" Well Bella's hardly a child, physically, but I SWEAR sometimes the things she does are so childish they drive me INSANE! :does hand crunching gesture with both hands:

Specialist: Well I have no doubt that Bella can be frustrating. But I'm sure it's hard for her too, just as it is for you.

Edward: OK seriously! Are you having phone conversations with Bella or something? Is she checking in on me to make sure I'm being a good boy? Because you seem to just be handing out cards for Bella everywhere!

Specialist: Edward don't you think you're being a little paranoid? I mean Bella doesn't even know you see a therapist, does she?

Edward: NO I'M NOT BEING PARANOID! And no she doesn't. But I swear that girl has ways to found out information...I mean it's like I just walk inside the house and she flips out(assuming that Charlie isn't there) asking me why I didn't tell her this or why I didn't tell her that! And I don't tell her things because she spazzes and I don't want her to worry! GRRR!!

Specialist: :glances at his watch: Well I'm sorry to say but our time is up. But I really feel as if we are getting somewhere with all these inner "issues" that are troubling you. I'll see you next week?

Edward: Yes. Bella's going to some weird "lets stuff our faces with food while my fiancée just sits there and watches" thing with the "dog" next week.

Specialist: OK well I'll see you then. Bye Edward. And remember: just take deep breaths to help you relax.

Edward: Hmph. Bye. :he grumbles the word "bye":

Well as you can see, Edward is a very troubled vampire! But I think we all know and understand why he can't share the fact that he is seeing a "specialist" with Bella. Mmm-Hmm. Well, stay tuned! More to come!


End file.
